Who Is Behind The Shelf?

If you had told fetus Kaeshier that he’d be born a little over a month early, spend several weeks in the NICU while his dad built his Army career, and that his stay-at-home mom would take public transportation about an hour each way — practically every day — to visit him at the hospital, and that his name would be picked from a random phone book by his two older siblings… well, he probably wouldn’t believe you.

If you’d told baby Kaeshier that his dad’s military career would have him learning to leave friends and learning to make new ones starting with a move from his birth town of San Antonio, Texas, to Huntsville, Alabama, to Landstuhl, Germany, back to Huntsville for his dad’s retirement, and then all the way to Guam post-retirement — all by the 5th grade… he probably wouldn’t believe you.

If you’d told elementary school Kaeshier that he’d struggle with his Pacific Islander identity after spending most of his early years in stateside public or Department of Defense Education Activity (DoDEA) schools, only to be thrust into a Guam public school where everyone assumed he’d know the local language, even though he barely knew a word, but that he’d eventually pick up enough to get by, excel in his other classes, yet he'd still feel unsure throughout his life whether he felt CHamoru enough… he probably wouldn’t believe you.

If you’d told middle school Kaeshier that puberty would reveal his crushes on girls were nothing compared to the ones he’d have on boys, that he’d wrestle with this truth thanks to societal norms and small-island stereotypes, but would eventually find the courage to come out at 19 in the nerdiest way possible (by asking his family to review an “essay he wrote for school”), and that he’d someday find his person, get married, and grow more confident every day… he probably wouldn’t believe you.

If you’d told high school Kaeshier that he’d graduate Salutatorian (shoutout, Class of 2013!), give up his on-island scholarships to move closer to his siblings back in Huntsville, start community college with no real plan, earn scholarships to finish a Bachelor's in Business Administration, then get a Bachelor's in Computer Science because his husband made it sound cool, but ultimately end up working in community outreach and financial education at a credit union — where he’d discover his true passion is people and growth… he probably wouldn’t believe you.

If you’d told young adult Kaeshier that by his 26th birthday, he’d finally be diagnosed with a “specialized form of ADHD" (because, apparently, your IQ can mask some of the more obvious symptoms) and that he’d realize there were actual explanations for his unfinished video games, occasional decision paralysis, and those feelings of “laziness” that got him in trouble as a kid, and that exploring treatment and therapy would be so helpful… he probably wouldn’t believe you. (But his therapist would be thrilled.)

If you’d told adult Kaeshier that by 2025, as he nears 30 years of age, he’d be launching a small business selling shirts that embody who he is as a way to express himself, create a little joy, and connect with people who might relate to his story, and that he’d call it Love Your Shelf Shirts, inspired by the admiration he felt for the shelves in people’s homes, the stories their hobbies and memories told, and the pride with which they displayed them… he definitely wouldn’t believe you.

Thank you for indulging me with my first post in my blog that I'm calling Shelf Expression. If you want to follow along, you can find Love Your Shelf Shirts on Instagram and Facebook, or subscribe to emails for first dibs on new shirts and new posts. Your support means more than you know — even if I still can’t quite believe I’m here, sharing this with you.